The Thoughts of Kikyo and Kagome
by OctoberNight
Summary: A songfic loosely based on Episode 48: Return to the Place Where We First Met. Looks at what both Kagome and Kikyo might be thinking during this time. Song used is "I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall.


This story/songfic is loosely based on "Inuyasha episode 48: Return to the Place Where We First Met." It explores the minds of Kagome and Kikyo during this period of time.

It's a little sad, but mostly contemplative, with a healthy does of irony. So I'll admit I used to be a big time Kikyo hater—I'm still not a fan of hers. However, I do pity her and like to think there is more to her mind than just 'kill Inuyasha, drag him to the depths of hell'. I mean, she is a clay pot, but a sad clay pot. ; No chapters in this, as it is a songfic. It's not too long, but I hope it is thoughtful.

Disclaimers:

The song being used is by Amanda Marshall, called, "I'll Be Okay". I don't know if anyone has written a songfic using this particular song, but I felt it applied in this episode. This song is the sole copyright of Ms. Marshall.

As well, Inuyasha et al are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I own nothing.

So read, enjoy, think and please review. If I receive positive responses, I may write more. Remember, fanfiction is done not only for the author's enjoyment, but also for readers and if readers are not enjoying it, half the fun is gone. I am a professional novelist/university student and don't have a great deal of time on my hands. But if people enjoy this side hobby, I will make an effort to continue. Thanks! Oh and please visit my website and check out the fantasy novels I have published.

-October Night

The Thoughts of Kagome and Kikyo

Kikyo had just left Inuyasha by the Goshinboku. He had held her in his arms—sworn to protect her. _Sworn to protect me_, she thought. _I am not even truly alive. Yes, I know this, in spite of everything. I was brought back against my will.....but I'm here now and I intend to use this time. _Kikyo's heart was confused. It was tainted by hate, though Inuyasha's honest affections had touched her. _When he held me.....I remembered a feeling--something in the distant past. _

She shook her dark head, as her Soul Snatchers filled her with borrowed life. _I cannot let myself be confused, I told him as much. This is my second chance—a chance to right the wrongs of the past. I can never live again, but perhaps, I can make a mark on this earth, even in an imitation body. Inuyasha,_ Kikyo thought, _I cannot allow myself to be with you. I did in the past and we both suffered for it._

It's time to let you go  
It's time to say goodbye

There's no more excuses  
No more tears to cry

As Kikyo gazed up at the waxing moon, she knew that Inuyasha's heart was being taken over by another. _That girl, Kagome..... She needs Inuyasha's protection. Her miko powers are only beginning to awaken. She is not yet as powerful as I was or am. I don't need any man to protect me.....yet some part of me, deep inside, longs for it. Inuyasha....._

There's been so many changes  
I was so confused  
All along you were the one  
All the time I never knew

Kikyo clenched her fists at the starry sky. _I cannot be with you, Inuyasha! I know this! Even if I don't want to believe it! We cannot go to hell together..... Even with all the anger in me, when it comes right down to the moment, I don't think I could kill you. _

_I am a different person now. I have changed.....but so have you, Inuyasha. When I lived before, we could have been together. We were meant to be together, but I was too proud to openly admit it. I never knew how much I loved you until I was betrayed. That made it hurt all the more._

_Meanwhile....._

Kagome had seen Inuyasha embracing Kikyo underneath the Goshinboku. The daggers in her heart had been unbearable, especially when Inuyasha had turned and stared at her. She had, of course, done the only thing she could think of—she had run. She had run home. _I am a fool, Inuyasha. I was deceiving myself in thinking we could be together, in thinking I could replace Kikyo in your heart._

I want you to be happy  
You're my best friend  
But it's so hard to let you go now  
All that could have been

Wiping away her tears, Kagome realized that she was in love with the hanyou, Inuyasha. _Somehow, I've always known it..... But, he will never be happy with me because of Kikyo's shadow. I cannot ask him to forget her.....it would hurt him too much. I don't want the man I love to hurt. My existence is a complication in his path to happiness. I will.....make a sacrifice for him. Somehow, I must find the courage to let him go.....to let him be with the one he loves, Kikyo. _

_Back with Kikyo....._

With her expressionless face, Kikyo sat in a high tree branch. The night was well advanced. _Yes, Inuyasha, you have chosen.....and it is not me. You want the flesh and blood—Kagome. I have seen the way you look at her, because you used to look at me that way. She has everything I can never have—life, love.....you. Why did my life take the path it did? Why did my fate have to be so cruel? All I ever did was my duty and my reward was to die alone, with a tainted heart._

I'll always have the memories  
She'll always have you  
Fate has a way of changing  
Just when you don't want it to

Kagome: _Why did things have to go this way? Why am I in such pain?_

Kikyo: _Why did things have to go this way? Why am I in such pain?_

Kagome: _I cannot go on like this. I have to let go. I have to let him be happy._

Kikyo: _I cannot go on like this. I have to let go. I have to let him be....._

Throw away the chains  
Let love fly away  
Till love comes again  
I'll be okay

For a moment, Kikyo wished she were dead again. _In some ways, I am grateful for a second chance, but in other ways, it is hard, because I can look back on my real life and see my mistakes. I was so proud. I was such a powerful miko. No one saw it, but my pride was enormous. I thought no one could touch me and without realizing it, someone did, but not in the way I expected._

Life passes so quickly  
You gotta take the time  
Or you'll miss what really matters  
You'll miss all the signs

Gripping her bow, Kikyo, the dead brought to life, cried a single tear. _All I could think about was becoming something else. I was never content. First I wanted to be a miko, then an ordinary woman. Always I was looking for happiness. I couldn't see it when it was right in front of me....._

I've spent my life searching  
For what was always there

Kikyo: _Inuyasha...._

Sometimes it will be too late

Kagome: _Inuyasha..._

Sometimes it won't be fair

Kikyo: _And so it comes down to it. I will fight on, so long as this body holds up. Inuyasha, I cannot be with you this time. This time, I have one purpose and one purpose only—to take revenge on Naraku, whatever that may cost me. Our time is up. Our time has passed. _

Kagome: _I cannot leave you, Inuyasha, no matter how much it hurts me. I made a promise to you and I won't break it because I am weak. I will finish what I have begun, so that you can find happiness.....even if it isn't with me. _

Throw away the chains  
Let love fly away  
Till love comes again  
I'll be okay

Kagome/Kikyo: _This is not the time for weakness. There is too much left undone. Every moment is precious. I cannot quit now._

I won't give up  
I won't give in

Kikyo bowed her head and knew the truth of her situation. No matter who won—Inuyasha or Naraku, she would return to the afterlife. _There is no escaping that, no matter what I do. No one, can bring back the past._

I can't recreate what just might have been

_Somehow,_ Kagome thought, _I will find the strength to go on. Somehow, I will continue to live and move on. My life is not over. My life is just starting._

I know that my heart will find love again  
Now is the time to begin

Kagome hugged a pillow as she sat on her bed. _Then it's decided. I will go back to the feudal era. I will not leave Inuyasha's side, until he finds happiness. I brought him back to the world of the living and I will see to it that I do not leave his life until he is content. He deserves that much. _

Throw away the chains  
Let love fly away  
Till love comes again  
I'll be okay  
I'll be okay  
I'll be okay

Kikyo hitched her bow to her shoulder and started walking down a lonely forest path. She was dead and did not need to sleep. _I need only borrow life for a little while longer. Soon, my task will be complete and I will accept my unfair fate. The ties that bind me to this world are loosening..._

I can't hold on forever baby  
I can't hold on forever baby  
I can't hold on forever baby

With a half smile, Kikyo stared straight ahead. _You have won, Kagome. Goodbye Inuyasha._

Kagome had one knee on the edge of the well. She grimaced and clutched the Shikon Jewel Shards. _You have won, Kikyo. When this is over, it will be goodbye, Inuyasha._

Both women moved forward, driven by an unrelenting purpose and desire to complete a mission. Neither one knew just how similar they both were—they could only see the differences. And one feeling rose above them both, though each version of the feeling was unique—their love for a certain hanyou, who was just as confused and just as frustrated: Inuyasha.But fate can be cruel and tangled. Nothing is ever certain, as Kikyo knew only too well. All either girl could do, was live each day, with the hope that somehow, things would fall into place and all would find peace.

I'll be okay 


End file.
